BiaGenil's Kitchen

Honey Garlic Chicken


I don’t know what to cook for my husband who only eats chicken, fish and vegetables. I want to cook something new this time so I searched on Pinterest and this is the easiest recipe that I saw. I had all the ingredients in the pantry. 

The recipe calls for thigh and leg parts but I had chicken fillets on hand. I improvised by adding eggplant to make it less dull and some toasted sesame seeds for garnishing. Other than these, I followed the recipe. 

Things to improve:

Chicken is overcooked – hard to bite (I waited till it turned brown as per recipe)

Too sweet. Maybe because I used smaller pieces of chicken? And I didn’t season with salt because again, the recipe didn’t state so. So, there wasn’t a balance between sweet and salty? I’m guessing here. Haha. 

It’s my first time to cook this so I wanted to strictly follow the instructions so that I would know how it really taste like. The next time I’ll make this, I know what to improve to make it to the list of everyone’s favorite. 🙂

Mommyhood

Mothers vs. Toddlers


It’s true. Toddlerhood can take away your sanity. Everyday is a battle between having a good day or a bad day. I wake up telling myself, “Today, I’ll be a better mom. I won’t get mad and I’ll handle situations calmly.” 

Here is a brief idea on how my day is: 

“Mommy, I want dede.” at 6am when I’m still dozed off. And when I can’t obey, Caleb wouldn’t stop requesting until Yuri wakes up. That’s when our day starts to roll. Zzz.

Caleb: “Hey, that’s mine!” (Referring to a toy) Yuri cries and sometimes fights back. I introduce “taking turns” and ask them to count 1 to 10 for every turn. Most of the time it fails. 

Both kids take out 2 big boxes of toys (or mostly trash). I make a deal with them letting them promise to pack away when they’re done. They say yes many times. When it’s time to pack away, Yuri gladly obeys while Caleb suddenly needs to pee or cry and says, “I’m too tired.” 

Meal times are the worst. I hate it. Yuri loves to eat and would willingly eat anything. Caleb would say, “I’m full.” after 2 spoonfuls (or nothing at all). 

I put them in the crib and take a VERY quick bath while they watch. But I need to be very cautious as they can get out of the crib by themselves! So, I have to finish everything including a little bit of cleaning up (sweeping, preparing the bed, etc.) in about 10 to 15 minutes. It’s like playing Diner Dash! 

“Don’t do that.” 

“Don’t hurt your brother.”

“Stop doing that.” 

“If you don’t stop, you’ll stand in the corner (monsters don’t scare them).”

I say that 1M times a day in different tones. Either nicely or authoritatively. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 

You think of activities for them but Caleb would still say, “Mommy, I’m getting bored.” What should I do then? I’m running out of ideas and I’m too tired to even think. Help! 

These are just a few of the chaotic situations that I have. They drive me crazy. Out of frustration, I close my eyes and mumble (things that I don’t recognize anymore; sometimes I curse; sometimes I pray) while trying to stay calm and then I just find myself crying. The bathroom has been my bestfriend for the past months. I lock myself and cry (while the boys are banging the door). Then I go out trying to feel replenished. 

I get exhausted by afternoon and am about to lose my voice from the constant telling off. One time, I just felt so tired I can’t even identify whether it’s physical or emotional. I literally begged my children to pack away, telling them I’m tired of shouting, of meeting their demands, and that I just want to rest. I was teary eyed and I think they noticed that they did what they were told. It isn’t always the case, though. 

It’s like I’m holding on to a bucket full of patience that I carefully distribute throughout the day. But they still go beyond the limits and that’s when I lose myself. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m still normal. 

At the end of the day, when I’m all settled and kids are asleep, I thank God that I survived another day and that I’m sorry for the times that I yelled at them. I am just so blessed to have these kinds of problems. Not every mother can complain about this. Some moms would like to have the life that I have. I am grateful for everything and I don’t have regrets. But I’m only human and my super mom powers do not always last. But one thing’s for sure, I was given 2 kids because He knows that I can handle it, that He trusts me to raise decent and loving human beings despite all the hardships. That’s what I’m holding on to. 

Kudos to moms who have more kids than mine. I don’t know how you handle it but we moms just keep on surviving. We do have the toughest job in the world! 

Looking forward to a better tomorrow,

B. 

Mommyhood

15 Minutes in Heaven


In my 29 years of existence, I have never felt so relaxed in a short span of 15 minutes in a bathtub. It was my first time to soak myself in a warm bubbly water last Sunday and I never thought how relaxing it could be. 

I have never put any notice in tubs in a hotel until last weekend when my body was sort of calling for it. I used to feel gross about it because I am a germophobe and I can never really tell who have had used the tubs. But then I gave in thinking, “This is the quickest way for me to unwind.”
So I filled it up with warm water and asked for extra shower gel – I wanted to have that very bubbly effect. Without any hesitation, I told my husband that I’m going to use the bathtub or in other words “look after the kids while I relax”. We just had breakfast then and the kids were very active but I didn’t care anymore. It’s now or never. I don’t have much time as we were about to check-out at noon time. 

I soaked my foot and the water felt warmer than I expected. I put a little bit of cold water which didn’t really change much. Then I dipped my entire body and was shocked at myself saying “OMG, ang saraaaap” many times. I savored every minute of it despite getting distracted by my husbands “Caleb, stop it!”, “Yuri, don’t touch that!” dialogues. 

I tried to empty my mind and just be in the moment but let’s face it, you can never really relax when your kids are just a door away from you. Nevertheless, it definitely was the best 15 minutes of my life. From now on, I’ll make sure to use the bathtubs in a hotel whenever it’s available. 

Thankful for the bathtub,

B.

Mommyhood

Breakdowns


Do you have breakdowns? How often and what triggers it? By breakdown I mean crying myself out, throwing things, and silently cursing. The type when you can feel your heart pounding because there’s just too much to handle. 

I do have those moments for around twice or thrice a week. I don’t want it to happen but it just happens. I couldn’t control any of it because my emotions are so high that my brain couldn’t even tell myself to “breathe and stay calm”. 

What causes it? Different things. I observed that sometimes even when I am in a good mood and then my kid suddenly spills (on purpose) water (of course, I have to clean up), I get so mad I can feel my blood boiling from my toes going up and then finally find myself exploding. I scream, throw things, and my mouth just wouldn’t stop talking. Repetitive acts also trigger it. Such as when my kid insists on doing something even if I told him infinite times not to. That “Mommy, I want…” spiel makes me mad. 

Do I feel bad after? DEFINITELY! I am not worthy to be called a mom if I wasn’t. I feel guilty and mad at myself because I let my kids see that side of me. Those innocent eyes that stare at me as I nag and scream at them eats me up after the event. My subconscious mind tells me to stop but my body says otherwise. I feel so bad that I pray to help me go back to my proper state. My husband has not seen me go on a breakdown, only my boys have seen me go berserk. I feel like whenever I transform into that other person, my kids see me as a scary monster about to swallow them. 

I am not proud of it. In fact, I am scared whenever it happens. I feel like my anger might take it to a different level that I might end up hurting my kids. I don’t spank them, I don’t believe that hurting them is a way to discipline them. I am more of the “stand in the corner” type of mom with a little nagging on the side. 

How does it stop? After I’ve cried a bucket and almost losing my voice. When I finally feel exhausted and when I’m almost out of breath. 

It has always been a battle between letting my better self take charge and letting the witch in me have the crown. These thoughts I think eat up my sanity to the point that I feel like I’m going crazy for real. It’s so hard to control the good and bad when you want to raise beautiful children. It’s so hard to just show them your good side because you want to be a good example to them. It’s so hard to be the perfect mother you long to be. Most especially, it’s so hurting to see them stare at you as you become the wicked witch they’re mostly scared of. 

I am just so thankful that kids are generally resilient. They forgive and forget. They try to understand and let go. 

I cannot promise that it will never happen again. I believe that there is a process in managing my so called breakdowns and it wouldn’t be easy. I will continue to pray for patience and understaning as I journey toddlerhood and motherhood. So help me, God.

Mommyhood

Routine

I am exhausted. I would lie to myself if I say that everything’s okay. My life is basically a routine. A routine that involves all aspects of being a mother, a wife, and a person. Ninety percent of all my energy is alloted for my kids and still they are draining me. 

I barely have time to look after myself. I shower for a maximum of 10 minutes when back in the days I would linger in the toilet for almost an hour. Sometimes, I get lucky when my sister is around because she looks after the kids while I shower. That gives me about extra 3 minutes to just stare and enjoy the warm water. 

Wherever I go my kids follow me, especially my youngest. I endlessly walk around the house while my kids are hooked into watching movies. I try to clean up and do other motherly tasks whenever I can sneak out. But my little one has a strong sense of my presence. It’s exhausting, and let’s be real, it’s irritating. A while ago, I was trying to get a nap since my husband was around to take charge. But Yuri just kept coming towards me. He wanted to drink his milk so I gave him his bottle. I even prepared a place for him to lie down, but he’d rather have me as his bed. 

At night, after I’ve done all things that need to be done and I’m up for what I call ‘me time’, I just want to lie down or just sit in silence and have the time for myself. But I find it too selfish because I have a husband. I need to spend time with him. We need to spend time with each other. And that supposed ‘me time’ is the perfect time for it, when the kids are asleep and there’s nothing left to do. So, we watch Kdrama until around 12mn. Before I know it, I’m crawling to bed and my day is over. 

I may sound unhappy and tired but this is my life now. I love it and there’s no doubt in that. I am thankful and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Footprints

Seoul, South Korea 2016

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V and I are both K-drama fanatics, so when he told me that we would go to Korea on our 2nd wedding anniversary (October 2016), I cried! 

Way before we got married, we didn’t get the chance to go overseas. We’ve been to local destinations but to go as a couple internationally is really something to look forward to. This was our first trip and it was amazing! 

We joined an all-in package tour so we didn’t have to worry about anything at all. We just rode the bus and voila!, we’ve seen famous tourist destinations. The downside of it was we were literally exhausted by the time we got to our hotel. We weren’t able to try pubic transportations, relax in a cafe, and to just stroll around the city. I guess that would be reason enough for us to go back there in the future. 

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The meals included in our trip feature famous dishes from the specific place we are in at the moment. It’s good because if it were just V and I we could have just eaten anywhere our hungry tummies have taken us. That could be fastfood or places we might have thought have the most Korean ambiance. All the meals served to us were delicious and generous. Miso soup was always present as it symbolizes hospitality. Kimchi, of course, was there too. Our tourist guide said that kimchi is very good to our body because during the strike of SARS, lots of countries have incidents of it but Korea doesn’t have a single report about it. Studies have shown that kimchi as part of their daily intake, saved them from the disease.

What I like about being in a tour is that they tell you things you wouldn’t bother looking up in the Internet. Things like historical backgrounds, economic status and culture. Also, we were able to visit places hours away from the city, which again we might not have put some effort to commute to. 

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Everland was part of the tour so even though I wasnt’t a fan of rides, we got to see the park. 

Kimchi making was also in the package so we got to try scrubbing in different types of spices into the lettuce. I thought it was fun especially for V who doesn’t have a clue in running the kitchen.

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This trip refreshed me and my husband. It’s nice to spend time together again without the need to worry about our kids since they are in good hands. I pray that we would be blessed enough to afford a trip whether local or international every anniversary. Yes, I am with him everyday but there’s a part of me that misses him so much. 😊

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Daily Prompt

Daily Prompt: Quicken

I’m a mom of two toddlers and there is nothing else I want right now than to have them grow fast!

Well, that’s a little exaggerated and I know I have silently wished for this to happen, but I have never bluntly said it because I know that one day I will regret doing so. The everyday stress and drama of my kids make me want to see them all grown up in a flash.

But life is a process and as a mom it is vital for me to see every milestone that they unlock. I don’t want to one day see myself skipping the moments we’re supposed to share and cherish.

And so, there is no escape in this crazy toddler life. I shall taste every bit of it, remember every tear my kids and I shed, dwell in all types of frustration and anger. Someday, I’ll look at them getting their diplomas or getting married, and I’ll forever be proud that I’ve raised them into who they’ve become.

via Daily Prompt: Quicken