15 Minutes in Heaven

In my 29 years of existence, I have never felt so relaxed in a short span of 15 minutes in a bathtub. It was my first time to soak myself in a warm bubbly water last Sunday and I never thought how relaxing it could be. 

I have never put any notice in tubs in a hotel until last weekend when my body was sort of calling for it. I used to feel gross about it because I am a germophobe and I can never really tell who have had used the tubs. But then I gave in thinking, “This is the quickest way for me to unwind.”
So I filled it up with warm water and asked for extra shower gel – I wanted to have that very bubbly effect. Without any hesitation, I told my husband that I’m going to use the bathtub or in other words “look after the kids while I relax”. We just had breakfast then and the kids were very active but I didn’t care anymore. It’s now or never. I don’t have much time as we were about to check-out at noon time. 

I soaked my foot and the water felt warmer than I expected. I put a little bit of cold water which didn’t really change much. Then I dipped my entire body and was shocked at myself saying “OMG, ang saraaaap” many times. I savored every minute of it despite getting distracted by my husbands “Caleb, stop it!”, “Yuri, don’t touch that!” dialogues. 

I tried to empty my mind and just be in the moment but let’s face it, you can never really relax when your kids are just a door away from you. Nevertheless, it definitely was the best 15 minutes of my life. From now on, I’ll make sure to use the bathtubs in a hotel whenever it’s available. 

Thankful for the bathtub,




Do you have breakdowns? How often and what triggers it? By breakdown I mean crying myself out, throwing things, and silently cursing. The type when you can feel your heart pounding because there’s just too much to handle. 

I do have those moments for around twice or thrice a week. I don’t want it to happen but it just happens. I couldn’t control any of it because my emotions are so high that my brain couldn’t even tell myself to “breathe and stay calm”. 

What causes it? Different things. I observed that sometimes even when I am in a good mood and then my kid suddenly spills (on purpose) water (of course, I have to clean up), I get so mad I can feel my blood boiling from my toes going up and then finally find myself exploding. I scream, throw things, and my mouth just wouldn’t stop talking. Repetitive acts also trigger it. Such as when my kid insists on doing something even if I told him infinite times not to. That “Mommy, I want…” spiel makes me mad. 

Do I feel bad after? DEFINITELY! I am not worthy to be called a mom if I wasn’t. I feel guilty and mad at myself because I let my kids see that side of me. Those innocent eyes that stare at me as I nag and scream at them eats me up after the event. My subconscious mind tells me to stop but my body says otherwise. I feel so bad that I pray to help me go back to my proper state. My husband has not seen me go on a breakdown, only my boys have seen me go berserk. I feel like whenever I transform into that other person, my kids see me as a scary monster about to swallow them. 

I am not proud of it. In fact, I am scared whenever it happens. I feel like my anger might take it to a different level that I might end up hurting my kids. I don’t spank them, I don’t believe that hurting them is a way to discipline them. I am more of the “stand in the corner” type of mom with a little nagging on the side. 

How does it stop? After I’ve cried a bucket and almost losing my voice. When I finally feel exhausted and when I’m almost out of breath. 

It has always been a battle between letting my better self take charge and letting the witch in me have the crown. These thoughts I think eat up my sanity to the point that I feel like I’m going crazy for real. It’s so hard to control the good and bad when you want to raise beautiful children. It’s so hard to just show them your good side because you want to be a good example to them. It’s so hard to be the perfect mother you long to be. Most especially, it’s so hurting to see them stare at you as you become the wicked witch they’re mostly scared of. 

I am just so thankful that kids are generally resilient. They forgive and forget. They try to understand and let go. 

I cannot promise that it will never happen again. I believe that there is a process in managing my so called breakdowns and it wouldn’t be easy. I will continue to pray for patience and understaning as I journey toddlerhood and motherhood. So help me, God.



I am exhausted. I would lie to myself if I say that everything’s okay. My life is basically a routine. A routine that involves all aspects of being a mother, a wife, and a person. Ninety percent of all my energy is alloted for my kids and still they are draining me. 

I barely have time to look after myself. I shower for a maximum of 10 minutes when back in the days I would linger in the toilet for almost an hour. Sometimes, I get lucky when my sister is around because she looks after the kids while I shower. That gives me about extra 3 minutes to just stare and enjoy the warm water. 

Wherever I go my kids follow me, especially my youngest. I endlessly walk around the house while my kids are hooked into watching movies. I try to clean up and do other motherly tasks whenever I can sneak out. But my little one has a strong sense of my presence. It’s exhausting, and let’s be real, it’s irritating. A while ago, I was trying to get a nap since my husband was around to take charge. But Yuri just kept coming towards me. He wanted to drink his milk so I gave him his bottle. I even prepared a place for him to lie down, but he’d rather have me as his bed. 

At night, after I’ve done all things that need to be done and I’m up for what I call ‘me time’, I just want to lie down or just sit in silence and have the time for myself. But I find it too selfish because I have a husband. I need to spend time with him. We need to spend time with each other. And that supposed ‘me time’ is the perfect time for it, when the kids are asleep and there’s nothing left to do. So, we watch Kdrama until around 12mn. Before I know it, I’m crawling to bed and my day is over. 

I may sound unhappy and tired but this is my life now. I love it and there’s no doubt in that. I am thankful and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 


Seoul, South Korea 2016


V and I are both K-drama fanatics, so when he told me that we would go to Korea on our 2nd wedding anniversary (October 2016), I cried! 

Way before we got married, we didn’t get the chance to go overseas. We’ve been to local destinations but to go as a couple internationally is really something to look forward to. This was our first trip and it was amazing! 

We joined an all-in package tour so we didn’t have to worry about anything at all. We just rode the bus and voila!, we’ve seen famous tourist destinations. The downside of it was we were literally exhausted by the time we got to our hotel. We weren’t able to try pubic transportations, relax in a cafe, and to just stroll around the city. I guess that would be reason enough for us to go back there in the future. 


The meals included in our trip feature famous dishes from the specific place we are in at the moment. It’s good because if it were just V and I we could have just eaten anywhere our hungry tummies have taken us. That could be fastfood or places we might have thought have the most Korean ambiance. All the meals served to us were delicious and generous. Miso soup was always present as it symbolizes hospitality. Kimchi, of course, was there too. Our tourist guide said that kimchi is very good to our body because during the strike of SARS, lots of countries have incidents of it but Korea doesn’t have a single report about it. Studies have shown that kimchi as part of their daily intake, saved them from the disease.

What I like about being in a tour is that they tell you things you wouldn’t bother looking up in the Internet. Things like historical backgrounds, economic status and culture. Also, we were able to visit places hours away from the city, which again we might not have put some effort to commute to. 


Everland was part of the tour so even though I wasnt’t a fan of rides, we got to see the park. 

Kimchi making was also in the package so we got to try scrubbing in different types of spices into the lettuce. I thought it was fun especially for V who doesn’t have a clue in running the kitchen.


This trip refreshed me and my husband. It’s nice to spend time together again without the need to worry about our kids since they are in good hands. I pray that we would be blessed enough to afford a trip whether local or international every anniversary. Yes, I am with him everyday but there’s a part of me that misses him so much. 😊




Daily Prompt

Daily Prompt: Quicken

I’m a mom of two toddlers and there is nothing else I want right now than to have them grow fast!

Well, that’s a little exaggerated and I know I have silently wished for this to happen, but I have never bluntly said it because I know that one day I will regret doing so. The everyday stress and drama of my kids make me want to see them all grown up in a flash.

But life is a process and as a mom it is vital for me to see every milestone that they unlock. I don’t want to one day see myself skipping the moments we’re supposed to share and cherish.

And so, there is no escape in this crazy toddler life. I shall taste every bit of it, remember every tear my kids and I shed, dwell in all types of frustration and anger. Someday, I’ll look at them getting their diplomas or getting married, and I’ll forever be proud that I’ve raised them into who they’ve become.

via Daily Prompt: Quicken


Valentine’s Day 2017

I actually said to my husband a few weeks back, “Hey, take me out on Valentine’s day!” in a persuasive-I-shouldn’t-be-the-one-asking-this tone. He just laughed at my eagerness to go out on a date (which we haven’t done for a long time). And then I got a text from him while he was at work telling me to look for a restaurant to eat at on Heart’s Day. I was so excited I even downloaded apps that lets me explore different dining places. 🙂 

I miss my husband all the time. I miss the old days when it was just about him and I, when we were hooked at watching movies every weekend, when he used to hold my hands while strolling, when he used to serve me food, etc. We had to let go of so many things now that we have kids. Majority of both our attentions are with them and just a tiny bit is left for each other. At the end of the day, we’re  both exhausted from our busy, non-ending duties as human beings. All the romance is gone for now, instead our weekends are spent playing with our kids, we hold on to those little hands especially when outdoors, and we feed those tiny mouths with good food. What’s left of us as couple are those glances that aren’t romantic but more of on the parenting side.

Life as a married couple is totally different from our previous lives. We have to do a little bit of sacrifice so that we could form our kids beautifully. I’m just so glad that Valentine’s day gives us a chance and a reason to do whatever we want as a couple. 

I will always look forward to Valentine’s Day because it would mean hours spent with my husband, just us, no kids. Just a decent meal will do. 😊


Motherhood In Words

I’ve been mommy-ing for almost three years now to two toddlers. Caleb is turning 3 this month and Yuri is 1.6 years old. It’s exhausting. It’s difficult. It’s outrageous. But it’s also fulfilling and satisfying at the same time. 

My motherhood journey has taught me things I never knew before. Things that could even change me as a person. Looking after two toddlers isn’t an easy job, it will NEVER be an easy job. To have a better picture, imagine a shop having its year-end sale. It’s chaotic, noisy and messy. That’s our everyday life. 

Here are some of the things that existed ever since I changed my job title to ‘Mom of Two’. 

Motherhood is hearing your child cry all the time only to find out it’s the neighbor’s kid or cat. 

Motherhood is getting paranoid all the time. You always imagine things like your son jumping out of the crib, getting suffocated by pillows, or playing with his poop. You won’t feel relieved unless they’re right in front of you. 

Motherhood is monitoring EVERY SINGLE THING. Their meals, lunchboxes, bowel movement, sweat, manners, social skills, dandruff, teeth, breath. The list goes on.

Motherhood is learning how to curse silently many times a day. I never cursed until I got kids. 

Motherhood is finding yourself crying in frustration while sweeping the floor or packing away all those useless toys. 

Motherhood is making sure that there isn’t a piece of paper, button, staple wire or if possible, even dust on the floor that my kids might get curious of how it taste like. 

Motherhood is getting insecure of your body and eventually forgetting about it. It’s getting surprised that those disgusting stretchmarks have already vanished because the last time you had an ‘overall body check’ was right after you gave birth. 

Motherhood is trying to stay up late at night because you want some time alone even if your body couldn’t make it anymore. You end up dragging your already half-asleep self to the bedroom. 

Motherhood is constantly sniffing your child’s head or nape because there is some sort of comfort in there. 

Motherhood is smiling as you watch your kids sleep and say “Another day has passed! I survived!” Yes, SURVIVED because they are like little rascals who take out the good in you. 

Motherhood is realizing how much strength you have even if you only have a few hours of sleep because you needed to wake up 4 times in the middle of the night. This post baby body will never fail you after all. 

Motherhood is watching what comes out of your mouth because they are like tiny, brilliant tape recorders.

Motherhood is feeling proud when they finally learn the proper manners you want them to exhibit. 

Motherhood is melting when you see that your kids look after each other. Sometimes, Caleb hugs and kisses Yuri out of his own will.

Motherhood is yelling all the time.

Motherhood is eating less so that they could eat more. It’s also eating fast AND less so you could run after them. Meal times are not as fun as it was before. 

Motherhood is watching Toy Story 2 and Zootopia EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

Motherhood is knowing the different types of trucks and vehicles because they NEEDED to know what they’re called. 

Motherhood is getting exaggerated with your emotions so they would understand. 

Motherhood is saying “I love you.” many times a day. 

Motherhood is staring at your kids and think “I made those.”

It’s still a long way for us and there will be a lot more to experience. There are days when I’m just so tired and I just want to stop caring for a bit. But it doesn’t work that way and life has to go on. I love my kids so much and because of all that’s mentioned, I know that my kids love me too. That’s what motherhood is all about. So to my fellow moms of toddler/s, have faith that one day we’ll have the time for ourselves again. For now, it’s all about them. 

Sleepy mom,