Mommyhood

Motherhood In Words


I’ve been mommy-ing for almost three years now to two toddlers. Caleb is turning 3 this month and Yuri is 1.6 years old. It’s exhausting. It’s difficult. It’s outrageous. But it’s also fulfilling and satisfying at the same time. 

My motherhood journey has taught me things I never knew before. Things that could even change me as a person. Looking after two toddlers isn’t an easy job, it will NEVER be an easy job. To have a better picture, imagine a shop having its year-end sale. It’s chaotic, noisy and messy. That’s our everyday life. 

Here are some of the things that existed ever since I changed my job title to ‘Mom of Two’. 

Motherhood is hearing your child cry all the time only to find out it’s the neighbor’s kid or cat. 

Motherhood is getting paranoid all the time. You always imagine things like your son jumping out of the crib, getting suffocated by pillows, or playing with his poop. You won’t feel relieved unless they’re right in front of you. 

Motherhood is monitoring EVERY SINGLE THING. Their meals, lunchboxes, bowel movement, sweat, manners, social skills, dandruff, teeth, breath. The list goes on.

Motherhood is learning how to curse silently many times a day. I never cursed until I got kids. 

Motherhood is finding yourself crying in frustration while sweeping the floor or packing away all those useless toys. 

Motherhood is making sure that there isn’t a piece of paper, button, staple wire or if possible, even dust on the floor that my kids might get curious of how it taste like. 

Motherhood is getting insecure of your body and eventually forgetting about it. It’s getting surprised that those disgusting stretchmarks have already vanished because the last time you had an ‘overall body check’ was right after you gave birth. 

Motherhood is trying to stay up late at night because you want some time alone even if your body couldn’t make it anymore. You end up dragging your already half-asleep self to the bedroom. 

Motherhood is constantly sniffing your child’s head or nape because there is some sort of comfort in there. 

Motherhood is smiling as you watch your kids sleep and say “Another day has passed! I survived!” Yes, SURVIVED because they are like little rascals who take out the good in you. 

Motherhood is realizing how much strength you have even if you only have a few hours of sleep because you needed to wake up 4 times in the middle of the night. This post baby body will never fail you after all. 

Motherhood is watching what comes out of your mouth because they are like tiny, brilliant tape recorders.

Motherhood is feeling proud when they finally learn the proper manners you want them to exhibit. 

Motherhood is melting when you see that your kids look after each other. Sometimes, Caleb hugs and kisses Yuri out of his own will.

Motherhood is yelling all the time.

Motherhood is eating less so that they could eat more. It’s also eating fast AND less so you could run after them. Meal times are not as fun as it was before. 

Motherhood is watching Toy Story 2 and Zootopia EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

Motherhood is knowing the different types of trucks and vehicles because they NEEDED to know what they’re called. 

Motherhood is getting exaggerated with your emotions so they would understand. 

Motherhood is saying “I love you.” many times a day. 

Motherhood is staring at your kids and think “I made those.”

It’s still a long way for us and there will be a lot more to experience. There are days when I’m just so tired and I just want to stop caring for a bit. But it doesn’t work that way and life has to go on. I love my kids so much and because of all that’s mentioned, I know that my kids love me too. That’s what motherhood is all about. So to my fellow moms of toddler/s, have faith that one day we’ll have the time for ourselves again. For now, it’s all about them. 

Sleepy mom,

B.

Mommyhood

Mom’s First Days In School

The past two weeks have been all about school. As much as Caleb tries to adjust in this new setting, I as his mom needed some adjustments too. I imagined school to be a place where moms meet, be friends and share stories of life. It’s where I’ll meet my child’s bestfriend’s mom and we’ll be bestfriends too, eventually. Haha. So, I told myself that maybe it’s about time that I go out and expand my very limited group of friends. 

First day came and I immediately noticed a group of moms in the waiting area who obviously are really close. It’s November and classes have started months before, so I assumed that they’ve already built some bond between them. I just observed and listened to their conversations, silently learning about each mom’s personality. 

I’m a very shy person. I’d rather you talk to me first before I talk to you. But nobody dared to talk to me. And waiting there in the corner for days is very awkward for me. I told myself I must make some moves so that they will notice me. I don’t think they’re mean, maybe they’re just too shy to approach me as well. Luckily, one of the moms is new. Her daughter is also sitting in so I thought she’s my person of interest. We’re both new and adjusting, we’re about the same age and we have common people we know. 

Slowly, I’m getting the hang of it although I still don’t talk that much. I’m half deaf and have a harsh voice because of my colds so I find it hard to talk. And getting into small conversations can be an effort for me. But I wanted to be in their group because I’m longing for mommy friends and these first days are the most crucial. So, despite my uncomfortable situation I sat beside them and mostly listened, smiled and laughed. 

Today, we had a boodle fight which they have planned weeks before. They have already sorted the food assignments and I thought it will be held in some other place so I didn’t ask about it. Then I figured it’s happening there in the school during our free hours so I have no escape. I couldn’t invite myself and no one’s inviting me that’s why I asked. I realized that my shyness wouldn’t take me places and that I have to step in. Since everything’s settled, I was assigned to bring softdrinks. 

So it happened. We enjoyed eating using our hands and somehow this event made me comfortable to be with them. I brought my mom’s specialty, Chicken Feet, and everybody loved it. I had fun chatting with them and I finally felt I belong. I also like the fact that these moms aren’t the social climber type. They are just normal people coming to school to have some time off like myself. We even had the nannys eating with us which I really liked because there’s no discrimination in the group. 

I’m happy that I’m finally able to go out of the house and have somehow found a new community. I’m excited to explore and learn more about this new chapter of my life. 

ClubGenil Baon

Starting Over Again

Today is Monday and is Caleb’s fourth day in school. He lost the ‘school vibe’ over the weekend, so today he cried again. Last Friday, he already got a hold of school and we went home in a good mood. Now, we’re starting over again. 

I pity him whenever he cries because I feel like we’re forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do. But they say it’s normal. Some kids couldn’t adapt until their first month. 

I’m waiting for him to get dismissed as I write this and I’m excited to see whether he enjoyed school this time. Also, I want to check what he consumed in his baon. 

I prepared for him bear cookies, grapes sliced in half because I’m too paranoid of choking, Yakult and cheesecake from his Grandma. 

The verdict: he drank his Yakult, finished the bear cookies and had a few pieces left from the grapes selection. Yey! 🙂

ClubGenil Baon

First Attempt

One of the things that excites me in my motherhood journey is the privilege to satisfy my family’s tummy. I love working in the kitchen and preparing my son’s lunchbox is something I look forward to. I know other moms hate this but I think otherwise. 

This is the first baon (lunchbox) I made for my son. I promised myself that I’d always try to incorporate something healthy in his snacks. So, on his first day he had grapes, bananas and some garlic bread. 

When we arrived school, he asked for the grapes and finished it before classes started. Unfortunately, when I checked his box at home after school, he didn’t eat any of the bananas and garlic bread.

Maybe he got overwhelmed with the new environment that he didn’t bother eating. The teacher told me he cried most of the time on this day. 

Mommyhood

Precious Hours That Refreshed Me


Today, I got to be with myself again. Gosh, it’s been a while! I feel like I’ve been stuck in the house for almost 3 years now that all I want is to escape motherhood. Imagine, 3 years with 2 toddlers?! That sure is exhausting.

It’s Caleb’s second day in school and I have an excuse to wait for him for 2.5 hours. Yesterday, I did stay but today I had some errands. Next week, I’ll just be dropping him off and picking him up because I don’t want to give my mom a hard time in looking after Yuri. So, this week is a little bit of freedom for me.

I went to the grocery and looked for clothes. Luckily, I found something that fits me despite the lack of choices. I also bought flats. Yes, I do personal shopping in the grocery now. I’m so happy that that supermarket not only sell food but also clothes and other things important for busy moms. I was also able to have a peaceful snack without minding about a toddler messing his shirt and hands. I had my Yakult Green Tea all for myself, too. Caleb loves the pearls in those kind of drinks and he ends up drinking the whole thing. It’s not like I don’t like to share because I’m willing to give everything to my kids even if I don’t get to taste it, but sometimes it just feels good eat in peace again.

I’m just so grateful for this day because somewhere out there, Bianca still do exist. Maybe not entirely at the moment because Bianca is defined as Caleb and Yuri now. Someday, I’ll have all the time for myself again.

Slightly ran away from motherhood,

B.

Tots'series

First Day High

*posted a day late*

I am here now in my son’s school waiting for his class to finish. It’s his first day and I opted to stay just in case he feels overwhelmed. I don’t want him to feel abandoned so, I made myself available the entire afternoon. I left Yuri to my mom.
I wanted to see him in class – whether he’s participating or just feeling lonely in one corner. Obviously, I couldn’t. He wouldn’t let go of me earlier until the teachers took charge.

I wonder how my child would turn out few years from now. I want him to just be normal. I don’t want him to feel pressured and push himself to study hard just so he excels in class. I don’t want him to slack either. Growing up, my parents just wanted me to pass my subjects. No pressure at all. I just want him to learn proper values, know the basics, and to stand on his own. If eventually, he wants to be a doctor, I’d be more than happy because it’s my frustration. If he wants to be in a corporate world, so be it. If he’s talented enough and wants to join a musical play, then I’ll let him be. His Dad and I will support him all the way.

I hope he isn’t a bully or the one being bullied. Lately, he’s been spanking his brother whenever he thinks he’s done something wrong. Hopefully, he’ll outgrow it. I hope he’s someone who everybody wants to be with. Okay, maybe someone like his father. Between the two of us, he’s the one who’s more outgoing. I just didn’t want to admit it in front of him. Haha.

For now, I want him to live his toddler life to the fullest, meet friends, and just enjoy school as it is. Let’s see where it goes.

Mom of a schoolboy,
B.

Thought Bubble

Stranger’s Words


I recently got back from a 4-day trip with my husband in Korea (will blog about it soon). We met new people during the trip because we were part of a group tour.

I met this woman who was traveling with her  daughter. She is a widow for 2 years now. She said her husband just didn’t woke up so they think he must have suffered a heart attack. She’s in her 50’s but still looks young and fit. She’s a woman of poise.

During the trip she told me things that made me say to myself, “She’s right!”

“Our children are our investment in life.”

I told her that I already have two kids, mentioning that the eldest is 2 years old and the other is 1 year old. I always emphasize on that because I want people to know that my life is not easy. Her advice? Make more babies. A minimum of four babies!

Being the tired mom that I am, I refused the idea. To be honest, I want my life back. I want some time for myself. I feel exhausted at times and I have years to wait before I can finally say I’m free. And having another baby is just a ridiculous idea for me (at the moment. maybe after many years we could consider).

“It’s what? About 10 years of self sacrifice before your kids can finally stand on their own. Yes, it’s a long period of having NO time for yourself at all, but these children you’ve raised will be the meaning of your entire being. After that, you can have all the time for yourself!”

Gosh, she’s right. Admit it, having just two children can be boring and sad. I have boys and they move out of the house, eventually. And my husband and I will be left alone. If would be nice to have a daughter who will look after us come time we become old.

I told her that other than the difficult situation of raising kids in close age gap, finances can also be an issue. Everything now is pricey and having another person to raise is out of our budget.

“GOD PROVIDES. Yes, it can be difficult at times but you’ll be surprised at how much help other people are willing to provide. Before you know it, another day has gone by.”

She’s right, again. The phrase God provides struck me most because He really does provide. She’s not saying that we shouldn’t worry about money because in fact we do. But having faith in God comes first. Entrusting to Him the entire family’s well-being is a priority and everything  else will fall into place according to His will and time.

Before the trip ended, she said she’d love to see me having more kids through Facebook. She emphasized that having children is best decision we can ever make.

It’s so nice to meet new people and somehow see a bit of their life. We don’t know each other that much. We weren’t close. We just happen to sat beside each other from time to time during the tour. We only knew about the basic information about each other, nothing deep. But here she is throwing advices that we can bring with us for life.

I am just so grateful for meeting such a wonderful woman. God bless her and her family. 😊