I am exhausted. I would lie to myself if I say that everything’s okay. My life is basically a routine. A routine that involves all aspects of being a mother, a wife, and a person. Ninety percent of all my energy is alloted for my kids and still they are draining me.
I barely have time to look after myself. I shower for a maximum of 10 minutes when back in the days I would linger in the toilet for almost an hour. Sometimes, I get lucky when my sister is around because she looks after the kids while I shower. That gives me about extra 3 minutes to just stare and enjoy the warm water.
Wherever I go my kids follow me, especially my youngest. I endlessly walk around the house while my kids are hooked into watching movies. I try to clean up and do other motherly tasks whenever I can sneak out. But my little one has a strong sense of my presence. It’s exhausting, and let’s be real, it’s irritating. A while ago, I was trying to get a nap since my husband was around to take charge. But Yuri just kept coming towards me. He wanted to drink his milk so I gave him his bottle. I even prepared a place for him to lie down, but he’d rather have me as his bed.
At night, after I’ve done all things that need to be done and I’m up for what I call ‘me time’, I just want to lie down or just sit in silence and have the time for myself. But I find it too selfish because I have a husband. I need to spend time with him. We need to spend time with each other. And that supposed ‘me time’ is the perfect time for it, when the kids are asleep and there’s nothing left to do. So, we watch Kdrama until around 12mn. Before I know it, I’m crawling to bed and my day is over.
I may sound unhappy and tired but this is my life now. I love it and there’s no doubt in that. I am thankful and I wouldn’t have it any other way.