It’s true. Toddlerhood can take away your sanity. Everyday is a battle between having a good day or a bad day. I wake up telling myself, “Today, I’ll be a better mom. I won’t get mad and I’ll handle situations calmly.”
Here is a brief idea on how my day is:
“Mommy, I want dede.” at 6am when I’m still dozed off. And when I can’t obey, Caleb wouldn’t stop requesting until Yuri wakes up. That’s when our day starts to roll. Zzz.
Caleb: “Hey, that’s mine!” (Referring to a toy) Yuri cries and sometimes fights back. I introduce “taking turns” and ask them to count 1 to 10 for every turn. Most of the time it fails.
Both kids take out 2 big boxes of toys (or mostly trash). I make a deal with them letting them promise to pack away when they’re done. They say yes many times. When it’s time to pack away, Yuri gladly obeys while Caleb suddenly needs to pee or cry and says, “I’m too tired.”
Meal times are the worst. I hate it. Yuri loves to eat and would willingly eat anything. Caleb would say, “I’m full.” after 2 spoonfuls (or nothing at all).
I put them in the crib and take a VERY quick bath while they watch. But I need to be very cautious as they can get out of the crib by themselves! So, I have to finish everything including a little bit of cleaning up (sweeping, preparing the bed, etc.) in about 10 to 15 minutes. It’s like playing Diner Dash!
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t hurt your brother.”
“Stop doing that.”
“If you don’t stop, you’ll stand in the corner (monsters don’t scare them).”
I say that 1M times a day in different tones. Either nicely or authoritatively. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
You think of activities for them but Caleb would still say, “Mommy, I’m getting bored.” What should I do then? I’m running out of ideas and I’m too tired to even think. Help!
These are just a few of the chaotic situations that I have. They drive me crazy. Out of frustration, I close my eyes and mumble (things that I don’t recognize anymore; sometimes I curse; sometimes I pray) while trying to stay calm and then I just find myself crying. The bathroom has been my bestfriend for the past months. I lock myself and cry (while the boys are banging the door). Then I go out trying to feel replenished.
I get exhausted by afternoon and am about to lose my voice from the constant telling off. One time, I just felt so tired I can’t even identify whether it’s physical or emotional. I literally begged my children to pack away, telling them I’m tired of shouting, of meeting their demands, and that I just want to rest. I was teary eyed and I think they noticed that they did what they were told. It isn’t always the case, though.
It’s like I’m holding on to a bucket full of patience that I carefully distribute throughout the day. But they still go beyond the limits and that’s when I lose myself. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m still normal.
At the end of the day, when I’m all settled and kids are asleep, I thank God that I survived another day and that I’m sorry for the times that I yelled at them. I am just so blessed to have these kinds of problems. Not every mother can complain about this. Some moms would like to have the life that I have. I am grateful for everything and I don’t have regrets. But I’m only human and my super mom powers do not always last. But one thing’s for sure, I was given 2 kids because He knows that I can handle it, that He trusts me to raise decent and loving human beings despite all the hardships. That’s what I’m holding on to.
Kudos to moms who have more kids than mine. I don’t know how you handle it but we moms just keep on surviving. We do have the toughest job in the world!
Looking forward to a better tomorrow,